The Play Of The Century
by Kurai Himitsu
Summary: Ah...high school. I pity Hatori... [side fic]


**A/N:** We were reading this story for class…for some reason it just _really_ reminds me of Ayame, Shigure, and even Hatori! I thought it would make a good fic for them…so I guess this is kind of a parody now, huh?

**Rating:** PG-13

**Genre:** Well…most likely humor…but it'll probably end up being depressing somehow…I don't know how this could possibly turn into a sad, depressing, or angst-filled fic, but, knowing me, I'll find a way to…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own and never will… Not making money… Look, it's already depressing!

**Warnings:** shounen-ai

**Main Characters:** Ayame-sama, Shigure-chan, and poor Hatori-kun…

**Additional Notes:** I got the play from a schoolbook…it's a real story, but there's really only one piece of dialogue in the entire four pages. Thus all but that one line of dialogue will be created and adlibbed by the Mabudachi Trio and me!

_The Play of the Century_

_**Chapter 1:** School Events_

Hatori sighed as he looked at the poster for the new school play. _Great…Another thing to do for the 'great president of the school'…not that he's the one doing anything…It all gets dumped on me, while he goes girl watching with Shigure…stupid snake_,cursed thedragon as he resigned himself to his fate.

"Oi Tori-kun!" came a voice from behind him. _Speak of the devil…_

Hatori gritted his teeth, trying to maintain his composed composure. "Yea?" he asked. "What is it?"

"Oh Tori-kun! We, Gure-chan and I, the great Ayame, were just wondering if you would help us with something."

Hatori sighed. _Here we go again…_ "And what is it that you want my help with this time, Ayame?"

Ayame sat on the desk in front of Hatori, effectively making himself the center of attention. "I'm so glad you asked Tori-kun!" he cried. "We just need your signature on this little insignificant piece of paper, and then we'll have lots and lots of fun!"

Hatori raised an eyebrow. "What kind of fun?"

"You ask too many questions, Tori-kun!" he pouted.

Before, Hatori had only had a suspicion that Ayame was up to something; now, however, he _knew_ it. "Ayame," he said in warning.

"Come now, Haa-kun!" Hatori felt like bashing his head against the desk, the only problem with that plan was the other _annoyance_ sitting on top. "It'll be fun!" chirped Shigure again from behind him.

Hatori sighed. _Why me? These two are worse than any curse I've ever heard about…_ "What are you two up to?" asked Hatori, annoyed and eyeing the piece of paper in the dog's hand.

"Why nothing, dear Haa-kun! Nothing at all!" he replied, grinning like an idiot. _Moron…_

"No."

"But Tori-kun!" wailed Ayame. "You must! For the sake of the school!"

Hatori raised an eyebrow. "I'm not signing it until you tell me what it's for."

"You ruin all our fun, Haa-kun," whined Shigure. "Did you know that?"

"So I've heard," replied the dragon. "Now _what is it_?"

Ayame pouted. "It's a sign up sheet for the school play," he said reluctantly. "We wanted to try out."

Hatori blinked. "Why?"

Shigure shrugged. "To have fun watching girls."

"To promote the school by gracing the stage with my magnificent presence!" cried Ayame dramatically, striking a pose on the desk.

"To meet girls."

"To get to know everyone better and give them a chance to meet the great me!"

"To get girls."

"To make myself a more rounded and wonderful person, if that is even slightly possible!"

"To kiss girls."

Hatori rolled his eyes at Shigure. "Are girls _all_ you think about?" he asked. Shigure opened his mouth to answer but Hatori interrupted. "Never mind! I don't _want_ to know what goes on in that mind of yours!" Shigure grinned.

"So you'll sign it?" asked Ayame eagerly.

Hatori snorted. "No."

Shigure pouted. "Why not Haa-kun? It'll be fun!" he said brightly. "Think of all the pretty girls who'll be falling all over you when you get the lead part!"

Ayame frowned. "But Gure-kun," he said. "I'll be the one with the lead! Tori-kun and you will be my understudies!"

Hatori rolled his eyes as his two cousins started arguing about who would get what part. _They fight like a married couple sometimes…_ Hatori stopped the thought and looked over at the two; they were done fighting and were now flirting with each other and getting strange stares from everyone nearby. Thedragon shivered. _That's one thought I hope never comes true…_

"Haa-kun," whined Shigure, finally remembering about the sign up sheets. "Will you try out with us?"

"No."

"But Toooooriiiii-kuuuuuuun!" Ayame used a kid's greatest weapon against adults: the puppy-dog pout™.

"No." Sadly, Hatori was not an adult, so it didn't work.

Shigure, getting one of his brilliant ideas, decided to take over. "Hmm…how much would you say you value your reputation Haa-kun?" he asked, a malicious twinkle in hischocolate eyes.

Hatori's emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you mean?" he asked carefully.

Shigure grinned. "Cause I can remember some pretty funny stories…and they all seem to be about you…" Hatori's eyes widened. "I find the best one to be the dolls…practicing to be a doctor, he says…"

"You wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't I?" countered Shigure, smirking; Hatori could almost see thedevil horns on his forehead. "But then again, I suppose I could be persuaded to keep this information private…at a price…"

Hatori glared. "Fine. Give me the paper."

Ayame grinned ear to ear and Shigure smirked and handed the pisseddragon the sign up sheet. "Yay!" cried the snake, clapping his hands together. "Tori-kun is going to try out with us!"

Without warning, thedragon shoved thesnake off the desktop and signed the small white paper before throwing it back to Shigure, who was grinning like a maniac. "There! Are you happy now?"

"Hai!" chorused the two juunishi.

Hatori groaned and put his head in his hands. _What have I gotten myself into this time?_

"I can't wait Tori-kun!" gushed Ayame, eyes sparkling as he thought of all the new people he'd be meeting—or rather, all the new people who'd be meeting _him_. Shigure's eyes, meanwhile, were sparkling with the thought of all the new _girls_ he'd be meeting—or rather, all the new girls who'd be meeting _him_.

Hatori had never considered seppuku before, but if there was ever a time to—this would be it. He sighed, shaking his head. _Dear gods, be merciful!_

"Oh!" cried Ayame suddenly. "I forgot to tell you—I must have been to caught up in the excitement of getting you to sign up for the wonderful school play—well, anyway, I learned something about seahorses today in biology!" Hatori looked up, frowning. "You were asleep so you probably didn't hear Satsuki-sensei—what an absolutely _wonderful_ teacher she is!" Shigure nodded in agreement, though probably not for the same reasons. "But it was the most interesting thing—"

"Ayame…"

Ayame stopped, blinking. "Yes Tori-kun?"

"Just say it. Before I _strangle_ you."

The snake gave him a hundred watt smile and laughed. "Oh, of course Tori-kun! What was I thinking?" Hatori rolled his eyes—he could feel a headache coming on… "Well, anyway, Satsuki-sensei was telling us _all_ about seahorses and she said that, strangely enough, the female seahorses don't get pregnant."

Hatori's frown deepened. "What?" He shook his head, suddenly worrying about things that have no place in a PG-13 story—but that's beside the point, as Ayame-sama would so quickly point out as he _was_ the one so rudely interrupted. "You mean…I can't—?"

Ayame frowned as Shigure snickered behind his hand. "Tori-kun?" he asked before shrugging a shoulder. "Well, as I was saying, _female_ seahorses don't get pregnant—the _male_ seahorses _do_! Isn't that just _bizarre_ and _extraordinary_?"

Hatori didn't answer. He'd gone pale and clammy. His emerald eyes were wide—he swallowed. "A-are you _sure_, Ayame?"

Ayame nodded brightly. "Mm-hm! Positive! Satsuki-sensei showed us a video—you know, you really _should_ try to stay awake in biology…"

Hatori didn't hear past the word _positive_—he was too preoccupied with horrible and terrible thoughts involving strange things…

"Oh! Oh!" cried Ayame again—Hatori was almost too afraid to ask…

"What?"

"I forgot! She also said that when the male goes through labor, it normally last _two whole days_!" Hatori nearly fainted but somehow managed to hold his composure. "I would hate to be a seahorse!"

"So would I," said Shigure, smirking. "Don't you agree Haa-kun?"

"I'm swearing off sex."

Shigure snorted. "You've never _had_ sex."

"More's the reason."

"Well," said Shigure. "It's kind of hard to swear off something you've never had."

"I don't care."

/\\\

**A/N:** Well...sorry if the first chapter seemed a little short... I ran out of ideas. This will only be a side story--"Sakura Snows" takes main priority over _everything_ at the moment. So sorry. In any case, keep your eyes peeled for more of this story and please, **_review!_**


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